25 Things I Learned Recovering from Betrayal

Though I would prefer otherwise, I learn the most when things go wrong. So it stands to reason that I would learn many many things from something as catastrophic as betrayal. 

Here are 25 things I have learned (and am still learning).

1. A Higher Power exists, and I am not it
2. When catastrophe strikes, lean in and expect growing pains
3. Everyone is addicted to something
4. You didn’t cause their addiction and they didn’t cause yours. You can’t control them, and you can learn to control yourself. You can’t cure other people’s defects, and you can work on yourself.
5. The fruit of fear and resentment make a nasty meal, weed them out before they take root.
6. Unexpressed expectations are premeditated resentments
7. When the audio and video don’t sync up, the video holds more truth
8. Seemingly conflicting things can be true at the same time
9. Sometimes you’re wrong
10. Figure out self care, your life depends on it
11. If it’s hysterical, it’s historical
12. Check-in with yourself
13. Figure out how to properly process your own emotions, it’s less costly than the alternatives
14. Interview your emotions, interrogate the big ones
15. If you need help, ask. Someone has gone through this before you. Find some mature ones and learn from their experience, strength, and hope.
16. Never screw over your partner
17. There is no such thing as a coincidence
18. If it feels like you’re being played, you probably are
19. Taking responsibility for the uncontrollable is like hitching yourself to Leviathan’s tail. 
20. Before accepting an invitation into chaos, make sure you understand healthy detachment
21. In a negotiation, never make the first offer
22. Anything on the Internet lives forever
23. Before sending an angry note, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Don’t drink your calories
25. Words that soak in are whispered… not yelled.

-Steve M